Coffee

I spend a lot of time around coffee. I drink coffee at home. I hang out in coffee shops. I work as a barista. My friends like coffee. We talk about coffee.

I still remember the first cup of coffee I had that I enjoyed. It was from a coffee shop and it had lots of cream and sugar in it. My prior exposure to coffee had been stale-tasting Folgers at "coffee fellowship time" after church.

Blech!

This particularly life changing cup of coffee was sipped while in conversation with a new friend. I remember the topics...the conversation was that good. I think perhaps what makes coffee such a meaningful part of my life is the relational aspect of it. 

Now, I love coffee. I love the flavour--I now drink it with lots of cream, but no sweetening of any kind. BUT I enjoy it a billion times more if I have a friend sitting across the table or next to me on the couch. Relationship is what matters--coffee just facilitates it.

My friend Graeme says that the key to winning the Western Hemisphere is a simple coffee mug. "You put a cup of something warm in their hands and people talk," he said. As I thought about it, I realized he was absolutely right! Some of my favorite conversations with strangers have been in a coffee shop. Some of my most fruitful relationships have been built over coffee...or tea, for those of you who prefer it.

Coffee shop evangelism...try it. Relationships are what matter, because the only thing you can take with you to heaven is people.

Home

"Maybe surrounded by a million people...I still feel all alone...I wanna go home."

I love the words to that Michael Buble song...they connect with me. I feel an incredible longing within myself to be home. The only problem is, I don't know where home is. Home has always been a very fluid concept in my life. Twenty-one years old and I've moved as many times. I'm not exaggerating--I actually counted it up today. 

"Let me go home...I've had my run...baby, I'm done...I gotta go home."

Scripture says that we look forward to a heavenly homeland...that we are strangers and pilgrims in this world. I know that my longing to be home will not be fulfilled completely until I find my way to my heavenly homeland. But, God, I want a home here, now--a promise of the things to come...a glimpse into the perfection of eternity.

I am finding more and more that this place feels like home...but not with YWAM...the community of Homer. I seem to have finally realized after two years here that life does exist outside of YWAM...that it's okay to have friends who are not in YWAM. I feel like I've wasted so much time getting to know the amazing new friends I've found. I want to stay...I want to go...I don't know. 

My heart is restless, trying to find my home. I have put my creativity on hold for so long...I don't know where to go in order to cultivate it. I feel like that is the new season God is drawing me into...a season of cultivating my creativity. I have laid it down for two years...laid it down in order to serve the vision of others...I feel like God is handing it back to me.

Which Jesus Do You Follow?

The religion that I grew up in is too neat and tidy. It is too perfectly packaged. I think that "typical Christianity" must offend the world horribly. If they ever opened up a Bible they would easily discern the difference between the Jesus in the Bible and the blond-haired, blue-eyed eunuch of a man that we Western Christians claim to worship.

But who could earnestly worship the weak Jesus who fits so nicely into our church buildings? True worship is inspired by awe, wonder, holy terror! The Western Jesus does not provoke those emotions in me. 

JESUS--the Dissident, the Man of War, The King, the Defender of the weak, the Bleeding Sacrifice--is not comfortable or neat or pretty. But He makes me fall down in awe and wonder. I am shocked by Him. Shocked outside of myself. Provoked to abandoned worship. 

He doesn't belong in a building--indeed, it could NEVER contain Him. He would never be so refined--so CONFINED! My Jesus is a Jealous Warrior King who will suffer no rival for my affections. He is a Wild Artist who paints the skies for me and whispers poetry on wind. He is a Fighter for causes of social justice--good news for the poor and afflicted; freedom for the captives; favour and peace from God on High. He is my Savior, who held back nothing in His lavish show of affection for me on the cross. He is my Best Friend--who I can tell anything to, who will never judge me if I come to Him with an open heart.

Birthdays--letter to myself on the occasion of my 21st birthday (March 23)

Birthdays are a big deal. God chose a specific day for you to enter the world. To remember and celebrate that day is to worship Him and rejoice in the plan He has for your life.

Believe me, God has big plans for you. They may be big in the world's eyes or they may not. It doesn't really matter--they are big plans because the Infinite Creator dreamed them up!

Remember the things He's been teaching you. Cling to them. Set up a memorial to remember this time in your life. You'll never have this time again--as much as you wish for it to end.

Do not despise the season the Lord has you in. Rejoice in it, embrace it, learn from it, and look forward expectantly. Trust that new, good things are just around the corner. Trust that they wouldn't be as good if you didn't have to walk through today.

The Kingdom--originally written March 10, 2008

The Kingdom of God is a violent takeover. It overwhelms the things of the flesh in me. God is jealous for me and will allow no other lover...nothing that displaces Him in my heart. He is passionately committed to violently eradicating everything that is not of Him.

He is more concerned with my character (that is, the character of Christ cultivated in me), than my comfort. And in the midst of this bloody struggle (it is indeed bloody, for it required the blood of Jesus and requires my daily death to self), He still wants to give me every good thing, every fruit, every virtue, every blessing, every good gift.

Uncomfortable--originally written on March 3, 2008

I have entered the risk zone--a life beyond the status quo. I have abandoned myself to God--to a higher standard, to a greater call, to a life "less ordinary". The more I live this life, the more I realise that my discomfort is insignificant in light of eternity. I have all of eternity to be comfortable and happy, so why do I complain so vehemently against the temporary discomforts of this brief existence?

 I don't believe for a minute that this character stretching will ease or lessen. Sometimes I feel as though I am gasping for air--I cry out to God, "Could You just take a five minute break, please?" I want it easy, until I recognise that He is committed to bringing me as close to perfection as possible before I enter eternity. Jesus will spare nothing in refining me--not His Life, nor mine.

God, give me grace as You work in my life. Give me peace to endure the storms and discomforts of refining. Give me love for those who are on this journey with me.

"Don't think I've come to make life cozy."--Jesus, Matthew 10:34 (The Message)

Courage--Originally written January 10, 2008

"It takes courage to grow up and be who you really are."--e.e. cummings

I have been reading Mere Christianity, by C.S. Lewis. It is a fantastic book. It has not been paradigm shifting or anything, just a refreshing challenge to understand why I believe what I believe. 

The end part focuses on how, if we allow Christ to transform us and strip away our old nature to make us more like Him, we do not lose our own identity; but rather, we become more truly who we were created to be. I think that surrendering our own will to His is one of the most courageous acts we can carry out in this life (hence the quote...), because it is a continual process. It does not happen once but must be repeated every morning--"not I, but Christ" must be our attitude upon every waking.

It is the paradox of this crazy journey: "To save your life you must lose it."