I am insecure. I know it. In most areas of my life, I am confident. I am controlled. I know who I am and I am unafraid and unashamed. Does this sound conceited? Perhaps it is. Perhaps not. I have come to view humility as believing true thoughts about yourself. If the things I have just said are true about me, then I am practicing humility, not conceit.
It is truth that I am generally secure. It is also truth that in particularly one area of my life, I am insecure. It has to do with one person. Normally, I am confident in my relationship with him. I do not feel threatened. Still, I bow to jealousies. I allow tortured thoughts. I am suspicious.
But suspicions and assumptions are nothing to base a relationship on.
I know that this is due to an insufficiency in myself. I believe myself unworthy of him. That is not truth. But I believe it. I am a daughter of God and much beloved by Him. I was created uniquely. I am creative. I am talented. I am lovely. I am worth fighting for.
It is also due to the fact that he is amazing. Others girls know it and they flock to him. He is attractive, talented, kind, funny, charismatic, deep, wise, bold, strong, adventurous.
I love him. Oh, how I love him.
If I really do love him, nothing I do can be motivated by fear. There is no fear in love. I have to hold him with an open hand. I must be patient.
God, help me!! Help me to keep my hands open, raised to you in worship and surrender. He is yours, not mine.
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