"We plot. We plan. We assume things are going to go a certain way. And when they don’t, we find ourselves in a new place—a place we haven’t been before, a place we never would have imagined on our own. It is the difficult and the unexpected, and maybe even the tragic, that opens us up and frees us to see things in new ways. Many of the most significant moments in our lives come not because it all went right but because it all fell apart. Suffering does that. It hurts, but it also creates."
This is from the back cover of Rob Bell's new book, Drops Like Stars. And it pretty much sums up where I am right now.
No, I am not comparing my life to the countless millions who live in poverty, war zones, or prostitution. But I am learning what it is like to endure. To watch while your carefully laid plans and cherished hopes lie around you in a smoldering heap. Because it went wrong. Because I had my heart broken. Because God threw a grenade at my plan in order to draw me closer to Him.
I love that He does that. Even though it hurts, I love that He put me back on the path toward my dream. I love that things didn't go my way, because if they had I would be stuck right now. I wouldn't have the new friends I've made. I wouldn't be filled with joy at the new experiences and the learning and the creativity.
They say that hind sight is 20/20. I've learned the difficult lesson of guarding my heart. He broke my heart, but I share equal blame in giving my heart so freely to someone who didn't treasure it. It hurts. The ache has lessened since I have begun making a conscious effort to forgive.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Friday, May 29, 2009
Melanie and Film
My friend Melanie is one of the coolest people I know. She's wise and funny and creative and generous. She's honest and real. She wears her heart on her sleeve. She's okay with struggling with things and with being vulnerable. If she read this, she'd probably say that I'm exaggerating and that half those things aren't true or that they're really hard for her. I don't care. She inspires me.
Two of my favorite Melanie quotes:
"It's crazy to get to know the mystery of people."
and
"I'll take a cup of life with a shot of purple."
Take time to appreciate the people who inspire you today, okay?
Ooh, and I was thinking about filmmaking today, and specifically the kind of film company I want to start. I wrote this down in my favorite local coffee shop, Portillo's:
I have the notion that we can build a family of filmmakers--a company that celebrates the individual's unique contribution to a communal vision. A place where we are more than coworkers and employees. A place where we find ourselves unified in creativity and where we take part in each other's lives and dreams.
Two of my favorite Melanie quotes:
"It's crazy to get to know the mystery of people."
and
"I'll take a cup of life with a shot of purple."
Take time to appreciate the people who inspire you today, okay?
Ooh, and I was thinking about filmmaking today, and specifically the kind of film company I want to start. I wrote this down in my favorite local coffee shop, Portillo's:
I have the notion that we can build a family of filmmakers--a company that celebrates the individual's unique contribution to a communal vision. A place where we are more than coworkers and employees. A place where we find ourselves unified in creativity and where we take part in each other's lives and dreams.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Creativity!!
Eight Questions on creativity...
What is your personal definition of creativity?
Creativity is connecting with the heart of God. Understanding that part of His heart that took great care and joy in creating the world. It is entering into the work of God and co-labouring with Him. It is worship.
What is/are your favorite form(s) of creativity?
Film, music, writing, graphic design, and photography.
What inspires you most?
Other art. Something I read will inspire a painting, or a song, or a film idea. I'll see someone else's photo and wonder "how did they think of that?", then I'll try to expand the idea and shape it into how I would have interpreted the same scene. Old jazz and blues music. Vintage clothing. Old books. God's artwork--the sky painted at night or a mountain with whispy low cloud at the peak or the silhouette of a gnarled tree against the sky.
What kind of environment do you like to work in?
One where I am alone or at least undisturbed. I like music to be playing, either worship or Miles Davis. If I am writing, I like to have a coffee or tea...call me crazy but I feel more "writerish" that way :) The area must be neat and organized or I get overwhelmed and distracted. I like lots of colour. Basically, it has to be an artistic, organized, hospitable and inviting atmosphere.
Who is/are your creative hero(es)?
Alfred Hitchcock. Joni Mitchell, Johnny Cash, Brandon Flowers, and George Harrison are a few of the songwriters that I admire. Walt Disney and the many 'Imagineers'...seriously, Disneyland is one of the most well designed places I've ever been. Everything is a visual treat :)
How do you apply creativity to your daily activities? OR How do you cultivate creativity?
I am constantly on the lookout for inspiration. I read, I check out new music, I see new films, I go for walks with my camera. I crochet...sounds weird, but it helps me focus and think. I try new things.
How can the church apply creativity in daily life?
Be willing to try new things. Be stretched. Explore new possibilities in worship. Try journaling or drawing for a quiet time instead of reading a daily devotional. Interact with God. Ask Him how He wants you to be creative today. Honour artists in the church and celebrate the gifts God has given them by giving them more opportunities to truly use their creativity...and I'm talking about more than doing posters and teaching songs to kids...dynamic, creative ministry in ways that break out of the traditional way we do church...like creating a space where people can come and be creative and then holding outreaches in it, like open mic nights. A place that cultivates relationship and creativity and doesn’t threaten people by feeling “churchy” or like they are “projects”.
Give one practical creative tip that has helped you most.
Being creative is a discipline. There is a stereotype that artists are lazy, disorganized people who sit around pondering until inspiration hits them, then launch into manic fits of creativity until the project is complete. This is untrue. Artists do tend to think differently than other people and they can be quirky or unorthodox; BUT that doesn't mean that creativity comes just by waiting around. If you want the gift of creativity that God gave you to grow, then you need to discipline yourself to use it. You need to steward it and glorify God through it by proactively looking for inspiration, not wait around for inspiration to smack you upside the head.
What is your personal definition of creativity?
Creativity is connecting with the heart of God. Understanding that part of His heart that took great care and joy in creating the world. It is entering into the work of God and co-labouring with Him. It is worship.
What is/are your favorite form(s) of creativity?
Film, music, writing, graphic design, and photography.
What inspires you most?
Other art. Something I read will inspire a painting, or a song, or a film idea. I'll see someone else's photo and wonder "how did they think of that?", then I'll try to expand the idea and shape it into how I would have interpreted the same scene. Old jazz and blues music. Vintage clothing. Old books. God's artwork--the sky painted at night or a mountain with whispy low cloud at the peak or the silhouette of a gnarled tree against the sky.
What kind of environment do you like to work in?
One where I am alone or at least undisturbed. I like music to be playing, either worship or Miles Davis. If I am writing, I like to have a coffee or tea...call me crazy but I feel more "writerish" that way :) The area must be neat and organized or I get overwhelmed and distracted. I like lots of colour. Basically, it has to be an artistic, organized, hospitable and inviting atmosphere.
Who is/are your creative hero(es)?
Alfred Hitchcock. Joni Mitchell, Johnny Cash, Brandon Flowers, and George Harrison are a few of the songwriters that I admire. Walt Disney and the many 'Imagineers'...seriously, Disneyland is one of the most well designed places I've ever been. Everything is a visual treat :)
How do you apply creativity to your daily activities? OR How do you cultivate creativity?
I am constantly on the lookout for inspiration. I read, I check out new music, I see new films, I go for walks with my camera. I crochet...sounds weird, but it helps me focus and think. I try new things.
How can the church apply creativity in daily life?
Be willing to try new things. Be stretched. Explore new possibilities in worship. Try journaling or drawing for a quiet time instead of reading a daily devotional. Interact with God. Ask Him how He wants you to be creative today. Honour artists in the church and celebrate the gifts God has given them by giving them more opportunities to truly use their creativity...and I'm talking about more than doing posters and teaching songs to kids...dynamic, creative ministry in ways that break out of the traditional way we do church...like creating a space where people can come and be creative and then holding outreaches in it, like open mic nights. A place that cultivates relationship and creativity and doesn’t threaten people by feeling “churchy” or like they are “projects”.
Give one practical creative tip that has helped you most.
Being creative is a discipline. There is a stereotype that artists are lazy, disorganized people who sit around pondering until inspiration hits them, then launch into manic fits of creativity until the project is complete. This is untrue. Artists do tend to think differently than other people and they can be quirky or unorthodox; BUT that doesn't mean that creativity comes just by waiting around. If you want the gift of creativity that God gave you to grow, then you need to discipline yourself to use it. You need to steward it and glorify God through it by proactively looking for inspiration, not wait around for inspiration to smack you upside the head.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Thought of the Month
This is courtesy of Jamie Tworkowski, of To Write Love On Her Arms:
"You'll need coffee shops and sunsets and roadtrips. Airplanes and passports and new songs and old songs, but people more than anything else. You will need other people and you will need to be that other person to someone else, a living breathing screaming invitation to believe better things."
"You'll need coffee shops and sunsets and roadtrips. Airplanes and passports and new songs and old songs, but people more than anything else. You will need other people and you will need to be that other person to someone else, a living breathing screaming invitation to believe better things."
Friday, September 5, 2008
Suspicions and assumptions are nothing to base a relationship on...
I am insecure. I know it. In most areas of my life, I am confident. I am controlled. I know who I am and I am unafraid and unashamed. Does this sound conceited? Perhaps it is. Perhaps not. I have come to view humility as believing true thoughts about yourself. If the things I have just said are true about me, then I am practicing humility, not conceit.
It is truth that I am generally secure. It is also truth that in particularly one area of my life, I am insecure. It has to do with one person. Normally, I am confident in my relationship with him. I do not feel threatened. Still, I bow to jealousies. I allow tortured thoughts. I am suspicious.
But suspicions and assumptions are nothing to base a relationship on.
I know that this is due to an insufficiency in myself. I believe myself unworthy of him. That is not truth. But I believe it. I am a daughter of God and much beloved by Him. I was created uniquely. I am creative. I am talented. I am lovely. I am worth fighting for.
It is also due to the fact that he is amazing. Others girls know it and they flock to him. He is attractive, talented, kind, funny, charismatic, deep, wise, bold, strong, adventurous.
I love him. Oh, how I love him.
If I really do love him, nothing I do can be motivated by fear. There is no fear in love. I have to hold him with an open hand. I must be patient.
God, help me!! Help me to keep my hands open, raised to you in worship and surrender. He is yours, not mine.
It is truth that I am generally secure. It is also truth that in particularly one area of my life, I am insecure. It has to do with one person. Normally, I am confident in my relationship with him. I do not feel threatened. Still, I bow to jealousies. I allow tortured thoughts. I am suspicious.
But suspicions and assumptions are nothing to base a relationship on.
I know that this is due to an insufficiency in myself. I believe myself unworthy of him. That is not truth. But I believe it. I am a daughter of God and much beloved by Him. I was created uniquely. I am creative. I am talented. I am lovely. I am worth fighting for.
It is also due to the fact that he is amazing. Others girls know it and they flock to him. He is attractive, talented, kind, funny, charismatic, deep, wise, bold, strong, adventurous.
I love him. Oh, how I love him.
If I really do love him, nothing I do can be motivated by fear. There is no fear in love. I have to hold him with an open hand. I must be patient.
God, help me!! Help me to keep my hands open, raised to you in worship and surrender. He is yours, not mine.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Learning To Dance In The Rain
So, I taught at the YWAM base a couple weeks ago and these are my notes:
Learning to Dance in the Rain
Conflict: There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t feel like running away. I joke about running away and joining the circus, but really it is a true struggle in me not to feel like life will better on the other side of the rain.
Story:
“The rain beats steadily against the glass. It is not common for such a storm to saturate us. The drops burst—more akin to water balloons than the misty showers I have grown accustomed to. I sigh—the sky has thwarted my plans.
“All I wanted was a clear sky. The laughter and chatter of friends around a comfortable bonfire must be delayed. Tap. Tap. Tap. My fingers on the kitchen table betray impatience. The sky moves quickly in Alaska. Perhaps the storm will pass soon.
“Five minutes go by. Ten. No end to the storm. I resign myself to an evening shut indoors, but an image asserts itself. Dancing. I see myself twirl and jump. My hair slicks to my head as enormous drops kiss my eyelids. Dancing in the rain?
“If I am honest, the rain does look refreshing. The damp seems inviting—never mind that I will be soaked within seconds. It will be uncomfortable. I might get muddy. I swing open the door and bare feet fly across the grass. Twirling, I stretch wide my arms and embrace freedom.”
Contentment
“Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass; it’s about learning to dance in the rain.”
Happiness vs. joy
Happiness is an emotion dictated by circumstance.
Joy finds its source in God.
My circumstances and emotions must not rule me. Jesus is Lord of my life!
Psalm 16: “The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places.”
The things that God has put in my life are for my good. We must embrace where we are.
Comfort vs. contentment
Comfort is when we’ve settled in. We’ve dug a hole and no one can disturb where we want to be. We’re stuck in a rut and we want to stay there rather than go through the discomfort of change and growth.
Contentment is the place of resting desire. It is a place where we become okay with our daily wrestle with God. It’s a paradox—being okay with not being okay; being comfortable with being uncomfortable; ceasing to wrestle with the fact that we wrestle with things. It is the place of growth—of Christ’s character being built more and more into us.
Philp 4:11-13
“I have entered the risk zone—a life beyond the status quo. I have abandoned myself to God—to a higher standard, to a greater call, to a life “less ordinary”. The more I live this life, the more I realize that my discomfort is insignificant in light of eternity. I have all of eternity to be comfortable, so why do I complain so vehemently against the temporary discomforts of this brief existence?”—Bethany Smith
I cannot look into the future and live there because there is no guarantee that the day will be sunnier. It could be sunnier; it might rain harder, but no matter how much time I spend thinking about it, I cannot change what my future circumstances will be.
I am learning that true hope and God-breathed vision come out of a place of contentment. Only when I have come to rest in my present state will I be filled with hope and set alive with vision from God.
I am learning to be okay with where I am now…and now…and now…etc. Are you?
Learning to Dance in the Rain
Conflict: There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t feel like running away. I joke about running away and joining the circus, but really it is a true struggle in me not to feel like life will better on the other side of the rain.
Story:
“The rain beats steadily against the glass. It is not common for such a storm to saturate us. The drops burst—more akin to water balloons than the misty showers I have grown accustomed to. I sigh—the sky has thwarted my plans.
“All I wanted was a clear sky. The laughter and chatter of friends around a comfortable bonfire must be delayed. Tap. Tap. Tap. My fingers on the kitchen table betray impatience. The sky moves quickly in Alaska. Perhaps the storm will pass soon.
“Five minutes go by. Ten. No end to the storm. I resign myself to an evening shut indoors, but an image asserts itself. Dancing. I see myself twirl and jump. My hair slicks to my head as enormous drops kiss my eyelids. Dancing in the rain?
“If I am honest, the rain does look refreshing. The damp seems inviting—never mind that I will be soaked within seconds. It will be uncomfortable. I might get muddy. I swing open the door and bare feet fly across the grass. Twirling, I stretch wide my arms and embrace freedom.”
Contentment
“Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass; it’s about learning to dance in the rain.”
Happiness vs. joy
Happiness is an emotion dictated by circumstance.
Joy finds its source in God.
My circumstances and emotions must not rule me. Jesus is Lord of my life!
Psalm 16: “The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places.”
The things that God has put in my life are for my good. We must embrace where we are.
Comfort vs. contentment
Comfort is when we’ve settled in. We’ve dug a hole and no one can disturb where we want to be. We’re stuck in a rut and we want to stay there rather than go through the discomfort of change and growth.
Contentment is the place of resting desire. It is a place where we become okay with our daily wrestle with God. It’s a paradox—being okay with not being okay; being comfortable with being uncomfortable; ceasing to wrestle with the fact that we wrestle with things. It is the place of growth—of Christ’s character being built more and more into us.
Philp 4:11-13
“I have entered the risk zone—a life beyond the status quo. I have abandoned myself to God—to a higher standard, to a greater call, to a life “less ordinary”. The more I live this life, the more I realize that my discomfort is insignificant in light of eternity. I have all of eternity to be comfortable, so why do I complain so vehemently against the temporary discomforts of this brief existence?”—Bethany Smith
I cannot look into the future and live there because there is no guarantee that the day will be sunnier. It could be sunnier; it might rain harder, but no matter how much time I spend thinking about it, I cannot change what my future circumstances will be.
I am learning that true hope and God-breathed vision come out of a place of contentment. Only when I have come to rest in my present state will I be filled with hope and set alive with vision from God.
I am learning to be okay with where I am now…and now…and now…etc. Are you?
Friday, August 22, 2008
How Far Will You Let Me Go?
I hate this. I hate the weaknesses I see in myself. I hate the things God asks me to do to remedy them. I hate the resistance I feel rising up in my flesh. I hate that it's hard and uncomfortable and I know I need to obey because it's not worth disobeying.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)