WAS

I am in Wasilla this weekend...hence the title 'WAS'. This weekend initiates transition in the life of our YWAM base, and I suppose, in my life as well. We drove up to Wasilla for the wedding of one of our staff members, Rob Lilley. He is moving on to other things--a wife, schooling, and new adventures...and we are left feeling the void of his presence. On Monday we drop off our DTS (Discipleship Training School) outreach team. They fly out that morning to St. Lawrence Island for 2 months. They are the fourth team from our base to go on outreach there. So, this weekend marks a quieting down on the base for those of us left behind. It also marks a new season of service. 

Those of us staying behind are going to be focusing on reaching out to the community of Homer for the next two months. For me, this means learning to be a barista at a local outreach coffee shop. This is scary. I haven't worked in this kind of situation for over two years...before I joined YWAM and embraced a life...less...ordinary. It's not exactly your typical job, but doing anything other than what I have done seems intimidating right now. I'm not sure why. 

I have six and a half months left in my commitment to the base in Homer. Right now I think I'll go home, work, then move on to film school in Kona, Hawaii. The school is three months long. After that, who knows? God, alone. I hope to have a career in the film industry. That is my hope. I don't know if it is God's plan. I'm sure my future ministry involves film in some way, but how it ties in doesn't seem clear in my mind. Sometimes I think I've figured things out. Then God comes along and messes with my neat little boxes. I am left to figure out how the new passions in my heart fit in. 

Maybe it doesn't all have to fit in neatly. Maybe God isn't as 'civilised' as I think He should be...maybe I am too uptight and need too many answers. It's faith I need, more and more. I need to trust the Father enough to rest in His arms and let Him lead. I wish I didn't always feel like I need the answers. I wish it was enough that He put something into my heart--into my very being--and that I could just chase blindly, knowing that He'll catch me. It is enough, just not in my mind.

I am learning. God is my Infinitely Patient Teacher--I am a difficult student. I want to grasp the lesson, but my flesh resists. I hate waiting. I hate chasing blindly. I hate not being in control of my life. But I love that it is not my responsibility to figure out my life! Why do I think it should be? Why don't I just release it and let God work things out? He does a much better job than I do...